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Body Scan

Posted on Nov 1st, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
This week was a very physical one as I took on the role of house painter. With brush and roller in hand I transformed the interior of our "cave" from a faded yellow to a much warmer green. Lots of work but well worth the effort.

Through the process I became aware of some body tension and I engaged some muscles in ways that I normally don't. The awareness was interesting because I was able to lessen the impact of my activities by taking breaks and soaking from time to time in my hot tub. I was working on a compressed schedule and through proper pacing and effective breaks I was able to complete the work in the allotted time span. 

Through this practice I have some other areas of "tension" in my body that through ad-hoc body scans I am able to pinpoint. I am trying to associate "emotions" to the tension which is increasing my awareness of my body's reaction to it's environment... 

An interesting opening to explore?
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Tagged with: body, tension, muscles, emotions

Being Active

Posted on Nov 2nd, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
According to a book I was reading last night the "average" senior in the United States watches 4 hours of television a day? 4 hours!!! This "passive" activity does not serve people well as it keeps them from socializing and pursuing all manner of life enhancing activities including maintaining one's fitness level so a higher level of wellness is achieved....

My own parents reflect this statistic. They have a satellite system and a huge selection of options for viewing and I think for the most part are fairly selective on what they watch. I also think there is a degree of "habit" that dictates the day's viewing? I.E. news and weather in the morning, favorite shows during the day and TV as company later in the evening while winding down from the day. 

We do not have cable or satellite in our home. Our TV watching is limited to select DVD's (usually foreign or Film festival offering) that probably add up to 6 hours a week- a little more in the winter sometimes and less in the summer. Visits to hotel rooms and relatives gives us a chance to see what we are missing on TV-for the most part not much........

The real question is as I age will I follow my parent's example? Will circumstance dictate this happening...
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Dream State 2

Posted on Nov 3rd, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
The dreams
The inner landscape
Technicolor
Troubling at times
Full of light
and promise
prompts
pokes
reminders


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True Love?

Posted on Nov 3rd, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
In the inner and outer worlds of ideals and desire and longing one might consider the concept of true love and it's application in one's day to day existence? 

subtle or bold
long lasting or fleeting
real or imagined
sustaining 
expressive
confining?
authentic

Is it shared with others
or coveted 
does it ebb and flow
is there surrender
Is it unconditional
does it make you smile
does it resonate
do you over think it

Does it have texture
Depth
abstraction
fire
Is true love fun?
Are colors brighter?
edges sharper?

Where did the concept come from?
learned
or instinctive?

reaching out
putting love out there
potential
connection
adventure

Gesture
Overture
art
style
Flow

Love...Do you have a true love???............:>


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Tagged with: Love, inner world

The Renovation Marches On.....

Posted on Nov 5th, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
Gaia provides me with an excellent blog site that allows me to express myself in words. I enjoy the nearly daily "ritual" of recording tidbits of my life. The process helps me stay centered and practice writing. I thank the folks at Gaia for providing me the tool to do so......

In 2008 I set out to "clear the decks" with respect to backlogged projects. As the year comes to a close I am getting much closer to doing so...

Yesterday was a clean up day. I had got to a point with the renovation that it was time to regroup, put the tools away, clean up the garage and sweep up all the sawdust I have created over the past couple of weeks. It felt good to take a "time out" to do so as it starts to get counterproductive when I have to search for tools and I start having to step over cut up pieces of wood etc....

In retrospect the renovation is providing some valuable lessons to me with respect to having to work through "tasks" that are less appealing than others but necessary to accomplish before one moves on. Like any other major projects I have tackled in the past it is relatively easy to get to the 80% mark in completion-much harder to get to 95% and the last 5% eats my lunch with respect to staying engaged long enough to completely finish...I am finding that the last 5% requires being gentle on myself (turning off the internal critic) and doing a small task everyday to move me closer...

The other aspect that is interesting is the "all of a sudden" coming together of the different elements that starts to create some excitement with respect to what the overall finished product will look like. With the main floor painted and the new window trim installed it seems like I have made significant progress?

Next week I install hardwood flooring-another element that helps complete the picture...
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Influences

Posted on Nov 6th, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
This morning I awoke to thoughts of people whom have made an "impact" in my life other than my immediate family or close friends. Those people who have taken an interest and made a difference to my life direction. Interestingly on reflection there has been a "just in time" interface on many occasions? To make up a list and identify people would not do justice to their gifts and I am sure I would not be able to adequately describe their contributions?

I have also been blessed with acts of kindness from strangers from time to time which is wonderful. Assistance while traveling comes to mind. People have always come forth when I needed them and I have done the same for others...

I have also had "peak" experiences related to people's contributions through the arts, culture, music, architecture,engineering and design, sports, community service,medicine, blogs, politics etc etc-the list goes on and on. Inspiration and appreciation abounds...

There have also people who have touched my soul. Touched me on a deep level. Sometimes only in a fleeting way. I have felt their love and energy and it has been unconditional. For this I am grateful. 

It will be interesting to see where the next "influence" comes from...
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Mating in Captivity

Posted on Nov 9th, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
In the last couple of weeks a book called "Mating in Captivity" by Ester Perel has entered my consciousness and finally last Friday my "self help" library. The context of the book is "unlocking erotic intelligence" (in the context of long term relationships) and I am looking forward to turning some pages and learning more.... 

I think the "erotic" aspect of a person's life is very mysterious and powerful? The spectrum of expression and exploration is endless and as varied as we are? One might ponder why a 57 year old would be interested in further "learning" in this area? I believe it represents a component in my journey to center myself? The why, when, where and what is yet to be determined?
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Tagged with: journey, erotic, long term relationships

Pondering

Posted on Nov 11th, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
This morning I woke up "planning" the next few weeks in my mind. I pay attention to my waking moments because they usually represent where I am at personally. My mandate for the moment is to remain focused on my reno projects and keep going until I get them done. I seem to be getting a "prompt" that I need to plan a bit more to keep everything on track?

I have also been spending a fair amount of time thinking about leadership, volunteerism, and connection. Thoughts ebb and flow as a ponder what is happening around me and how I want to respond consciously (and mindfully). There are some interesting possibilities floating around waiting for me to take some action. At the moment I prefer not to layer my life with more "responsibilities" so I am laying low for the moment...I have also pondered with this action is considered "selfish" on my part-being assertive about how spend my energies? Am I too narrow focused? All this requires some more pondering... 
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Moment by Moment-Hour by Hour

Posted on Nov 16th, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
The hours slip by
I am focused
Alive
Hammer in hand
swinging
as the boards
lay down
in patterns
chosen
and sometimes
random
the floor changes
cleaner
brighter
the maple
beautiful
I think about the trees
harvested
the hammer
swings
I think
about my body
I marvel
at the physicality
of the act
and the hours
that pass by
acknowledged
and appreciated


"Day 3 of hardwood installation"
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Tagged with: time

The List

Posted on Nov 18th, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
I have a white board in my study that I use to "list" important tasks that I need to address. The list ebbs and flows as the days and weeks pass but it always seems to be pretty full. I find it satisfying and frustrating at times to keep the list. Satisfying from the perspective that I am documenting and choosing priorities but also frustrating because some tasks do not get the attention they need and they stay on the list for longer periods of time. I am also careful to make sure the list contains the "must do's" which usually involves some reflection on my part....

Right now I am backed up on "paperwork" and related administration. There are 5 items on the list in this category and all of them are older than 2 weeks. Today I must at least take some action on each or I might start to get frustrated with myself...




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Good Friend

Posted on Nov 21st, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
Last night I caught up with a friend that I haven't seen in over a year. It was great talking to him on the phone and catching up with all that is happening in his life. We left the conversation with a commitment to get together in mid December and reconnect.

Our families spent a lot of time together in the 1980's. In reflection it was a wonderful time in our lives (young families and lots of activity and time spent outdoors) and my friend and his family certainly contributed to the experience. He is a practicing buddhist, meditator and world traveller and provides me with a good role model on many fronts.

It is interesting how the "busyness" of life takes me away sometimes from the pure joy of connecting with good friends.....or making new ones? 
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3 Persona Dance

Posted on Nov 22nd, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
Private. Personal. Public. Our stages from which we address the world. It is said a "well balanced" person displays a thread of consistency through all three persona? In conversation with a friend last night this topic was broached and it lead to some interesting reflection. 

Many people "adapt" a persona for the "public" stage. The person you think you should be? This evolution comes through conditioning and adopting a "I should" attitude. It also has an aspect of conformity thrown in for good measure. The discussion last night revolved around people who are chameleon like? We both agreed we know people like this who have the uncanny ability to take on the characteristics and "attitudes" of those around them when in certain environments? Probably a great attribute for survival but we couldn't put our heads around whether these people are leading an "authentic life"?
It gets tricky to analyze?

The personal persona relates to the interaction with those close. Lovers, friends, family etc. Probably a bit more authentic than the public persona for most people but I think still wrought  with some of the same "adaptation" criteria present in the public persona scenario? Our interpretation of what a good lover/mate/parent/child/friend etc etc? Depending on the level of intimacy "glimpses" of the real person may come through? This is a fascinating aspect of our intimate lives and we all know when the experience is genuine! People seem to have varying degrees of comfort operating in this arena depending on how their expectations are set and met?

The private persona is the most fascinating to me. The realm away from the others in our lives? The real essence of a person? The connection to one's bliss etc etc. "Knowing oneself"? Understanding the "shadow" side of existence? We talked a bit about the exploration and the personal commitments one makes to oneself and whether they are honored or not? What about the world of dreams and imagination? Instinct and action? Courage and curiosity? Going into those rooms that you know exist but are reluctant to open the doors to go in and explore because in your mind it might not be acceptable to yourself or others for whatever reason?

Going back to the common thread through the 3 persona? We honestly couldn't decide if this represents an authentic life? I think we determined it is possible to have consistency but there are always aspects that do not get translated through the realms due to self monitoring and restraint. We also agreed that it is difficult to be consistent anyways as their is always an ebb and flow to life that may impact our ability (desire) to be fully authentic?  

"Be true to oneself"? I think in the private persona one can not escape what is the true essence of one's being? Whether or not the essence is authentic and genuine is a whole other story and I think that is where a meditation practice comes into play to try and sort through the noise and distractions to get to the true essence?
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Candy Bars, Woodworking and Turning Wrenches

Posted on Nov 23rd, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
Last night my wife and I were tucked into bed talking about candy bars we liked in high school (surprisingly we had similar tastes-don't ask me how we got on this topic?)and my predisposition in early years to working with tools and my hands and my subsequent decision to pursue more cerebral occupations. 

I now find myself experiencing a "tinge" of regret that I didn't become a master craftsman. I have however kept engaged with respect to working with my hands and over the years I have developed some good skills in the mechanical and woodworking areas. I have also collected a fair number of tools that seem to get used regularly which is great.

I have always loved working with wood. Over the past week I have been laying a hardwood floor-physically demanding but very satisfying on many levels. The maple grain is fascinating as it changes in shade and composition. I went through a period of furniture making and refinishing and I think I may revisit this passion again in the near future...

Turning wrenches is a whole other topic. Since a young lad I have been obsessed with all things automotive and I find the "zen" of automobile mechanics very satisfying! As a young boy I used to daydream of owning my own service station and building special interest cars. Most of my family and friends don't understand my passion in this area and that is "ok". I dabble in the hobby and enjoy it when I can...
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Tagged with: hobby

Home Alone on the Range

Posted on Nov 25th, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
For the last 3 months I have spent a fair amount of time alone in my home. My wife has been very busy and often away traveling teaching and spending time with her mother (who lives in another city) . My daughter also left home last August to study in France so the house is often very quiet. I am not sure I like this state of affairs but it is a reality? 

The solitude provides a good basis for reflection plus allows a certain amount of freedom with respect to activities and schedule. I also become more aware of my routines that I incorporate in my day when I have myself to answer to. Although not heavily structured there are things that must be done as part of living in a home and being the only one at home I must do them solo. 

Luckily I have my trusty dog, Lilly, who is my constant companion and of course gives me unconditional love. She doesn't expect much from me except her daily walk and some food and fresh water, She seems quite content just to be in the room with me. She lays at my feet when I am on the computer, follows me around and generally interacts with me on a regular basis. She is great to have around and I can definitely see why it is a benefit to have a pet-especially a dog when one lives alone. 

There are many lessons to learn from being in this state..... 
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Hope

Posted on Nov 29th, 2008 by IAAM2 : Workingthruit IAAM2
According to some recent reading I have done I need to focus on removing fear and hope from my moment to moment existence...Fear I can conceptually grasp but I am having a bit of a problem with the "hope" component.. What does it mean to have hope and why is it important to be mindful of hope and potentially remove it from one's existence??? I guess hope is an anticipated state? A future state of being?? Something that has not happened yet?

For example I have hope that if I clear out some of our basement clutter I will feel happier being in the space? I hope my yoga practice will keep me limber and flexible? I hope by eating well balanced meals I will be healthy? I hope if I meditate well answers will come? I "hope"  to live an authentic life? I hope by doing some volunteer work I can give back to the community.....etc etc...Hope-hope-hope everywhere I turn....

Being hopeful makes me anticipate outcomes. I now realize I consciously do things in a hopeful stance. If I do this or say that or act like this-this will (might) happen or what is happening will continue to happen?

Hopeful is a future state that potentially could keep me from fully appreciating the present moment? 

I am not sure I can give up hope? Hope has such a positive connotation?

Is it possible to "rein in" hope? What replaces it? Doesn't hope keep us motivated and aligned with our dreams?

This is a very perplexing question but an interesting one to contemplate....

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