I have been very mindful not to add items to the list with respect to new commitments? This too has been liberating on a number of fronts. I have taken the position my time is very precious and I should use it well. Interestingly this has created a "value added" mindset that I am wrestling with. Should all spent time be value added? And value added to what?

An example_today I had my teeth cleaned,  The hygienist indicated I should consider times in my day to floss as a supplement to another activity. Like flossing in the shower, or while watching TV or listening to music...anywhere away from a mirror? Multi-tasking and using time wisely for a benefit???? Hmmm...

I was also thinking about computers-old computers we have sitting around that probably should be recycled soon. I also have to "clean up" my Apple Mini and remove some of the 11,000 pictures that reside on the hard-drive. Probably a good cold winter evening activity? 

Yesterday was a strange day generally. I woke up tired and the day was very cloudy(the winter here is usually very cold but sunny) and bleak weather wise (snow mixed with drizzling rain) and even with a couple of mini-naps I could not replenish my energy levels. I took care of some pressing business but the day was largely unproductive (based on my expectations for the day) with a fair amount of "navel gazing" going on.... however through the course of the day I "believe" I experienced a "shift" in what I would consider my interpretation of the status quo? On reflection the shift contained 3 main components: 1. my understanding of living in the moment, 2, select friendships and 3. love and related energies.

The shift was a bit unsettling (on a number of fronts) and I think this state brought on a degree of fatigue? 

I would consider the shift to be a breakthrough of some kind (in a positive direction) but I am unsure of the intensity of the associated "ripple"? Only time will tell....

Complacency is an interesting topic for me to ponder these days. I have always been a little weary of complacency and the potential impacts of not questioning the status quo to determine if it is still serving me well? At the same time I believe it is important to be appreciative of blessings and periods of "calm" in one's life....and to have an attitude of acceptance....maybe sometimes it's better not to stir things up?

The inner landscape turned out to be a bit confusing when examined? 

The project really needed to be done and was undertaken (largely) to stop my internal critic around constantly reminding me that I was not satisfied with the "condition" of my main floor environment. Some poor decisions around flooring (low end carpet) and a lot of unusual wear and tear over the past 6 years or so left the space looking rundown and shabby. Throwing into the mix some unnecessary clutter resulted in the Chi energy not flowing right... nearly every time I walked through the door I was reminded of how I (we) had let the space deteriorate and that it was not an acceptable "state of mind" for me to be in. The internal critic voice has quietened considerably in the last few weeks-which is good.

Then of course there is the "only if" aspect to be considered and as such I am not in the position to share this "publicly" but I will indicate I have a high level of expectation around "benefits" that will result from the work undertaken. Very much ego centered and recognized as such. 

This room has been under construction (hardwood, trim and painting) and not "functional" for access for two weeks. The loosing of the space has caused me to stop practicing (habit broken??) and believe me I have had plenty of opportunity to migrate back to my routine in the last 10 days or so but I have chosen not to do so...

A bit troubling of a situation but one I intend to rectify today? As I move into the winter months the "centering" my practice provides me is a very much needed component of my winter coping mechanism? 

I always find it interesting how the things that provide the most benefit in my life have a tendency to drop off during times of stress or outside influences. I am sure I could have found somewhere to practice or modify my routine to fit more "cramped" quarters?

It will be interesting to see how my body and spirit reacts to my re-introduction today?

Very Slowly

I shift

Subtle nuance

adjustment

the dial moves

I pause

realize

feel grateful

then move on

Wow...I have not experienced a hot tub at such a low outdoor temperature before and it was very exhilarating to do so??? There is something magical about being outside(in a somewhat harsh environment) doing something very much out of the ordinary (for me) and being comfortable doing so...

It has set the tone for the day..................:>

It was one of those effortless "sharings" that make conversation and fellowship so intoxicating.......

Refreshing and uplifting....a new week begins...

Travel

It looks like it will be a year of travel. Two planned trips to Europe in February and April (I really appreciate those Airmiles)to visit my daughter and potentially a trip somewhere warm in January plus a trip to Utah in September so I will be living out of a suitcase for a fair number of days in 2009 if all goes to plan....

Material Stuff

Phase 2 of the house reno kicks off in January to complete the repair and upgrading that was planned back in 2007. Fortunately the scope is much smaller than what I have recently completed so my plan is to spend less time renovating in 2009 vrs 2008.

Work

I have some "paid" work on the horizon in mid January to assist a friend with some home renos in preparation for the sale of his home....there seems to be some of this kind of work available due to shortage of skilled people to do small reno jobs etc-not sure I want to get into this arena outside of the occasional job for friends???

A business associate of my wife's wants to approach me in January about a business opportunity which I am very interested in plus I have a business plan to put together around high efficiency furnace retrofits and other enhancements to reduce energy consumption.....my son and I are working on this project together,...

My plan is to create some kind of "income cluster" to supplement my pension-not sure what yet?

Hobbies

I am going back to my Triumph TR3 sports car rebuild. I collected some parts in 2008 but I had no time to actually work on the car which was disappointing but a reality with respect to available time..

Fitness....2008 was an active year physically but not great with respect to my yoga practice (particularly in the past few months)-I have been somewhat distracted but really feel the need to get back into it in a "serious-well disciplined" way.

Friends/Social Network

There is a need to continue to "cultivate" the friendship garden. A priority for sure...

Creative Expression

Writing/Poetry/Painting/Photography/woodworking will be focuses in 2009..

_______________

The seeds are planted-let's see what grows????

The recent "economic" chaos has metaphorically forced me to examine my view on the world and what I consider to be the "constants". "Old School" economics with the view on constant growth and creating shareholder value as measures of success has always been problematic concepts for me? I am eager to see how the "New Economy" evolves with more emphasis on sustainability, society, happiness and the environment?

A good reference book for embracing change is Spencer Johnson MD's excellent read "Who Moved My Cheese" ?  To wander out into the maze leaving all that is "known" but perhaps not serving us well to see what else is out there takes courage and vision...it will be very interesting to see what plays out in this arena?

Yesterday I hunkered down on the couch to read a book that I had come across when searching for something else. It was cold outside and I had just come in from shoveling snow from the driveway. As I laid on the couch I became very weary and drifted off to sleep. I slept for about 30 minutes (the first of two naps) then snapped back to being awake when my wife came up the stairs and into the room. Immediately I felt guilty that I had drifted off and that I wasn't being productive. In fact I spent most of the day in feeling "guilty" stance-there were things I felt I should be doing but weren't?I know "quilt" is a useless emotion but it kept percolating to the surface...weird?? Basically it was a low energy day on many fronts but I really had trouble coming to grips with it....Then I started the whole "justification dance" which didn't really serve me well...I tried to justify that I deserved some downtime to enjoy all my hard work over the past few months and that the day was not really non-productive.........

I have heard that time "recognized" as being wasted is not really wasted? I need to get to the yoga mat and contemplate/meditate on all this...

The balance between being content and being complacent has always intrigued me? A fine line to walk. The complacent state allows "other" things to start playing out that can upset the balance of one's life. Stop paying attention and stop the care and nurturing and then "wack" -train wreck.....of course this happens to varying degrees (some very subtle) but always a wake up call to action....

I love those "perfect moments" of contentment. I think they are more prevalent than we are aware of and they can lead to a sense of "balance" and gratitude. This often happens to me when I am sitting quietly and feeling comfortable-that feeling that I am doing the "perfect thing" for the moment..... everything in perfect harmony-even if only fleeting...

I have gone through periods of time in a state of imbalance. I realize internally that this is the case (most of the time anyway) and it is usually caused by not paying attention to the contrasts at play in my life and not paying attention to acknowledging this is the case and then "consciously" moving to "middle ground" and subsequent balance...

Understanding the aspect of complacency is much more complex for me. It is very easy to become complacent about things that are "working" in my life. If things are working out does that mean there is an intrinsic "balance: that is being maintained? Is the sense of being in balance "earned" and as such reflective of a well lived life?

The year has not been without it's challenges. I wouldn't expect anything different? There are still some "things"  rattling around that need to be addressed? Some of which I would consider very important that continue to "loop" in my awareness with little or no real action being taken. It is interesting to selectively ignore what I need to address and watch it manifest in ways that sometimes surprise? 

Other "things" have dropped off the radar due to the interaction and influence of others,To these people I am very grateful.

Earlier in the year I had a strong sense (or perhaps it was a wish) that a teacher was going to appear. My sense was that the person would come from unusual circumstances (outside my normal realm of influences)  and the lessons learned would be important to me personally. I am not sure this has happened-at least not in an obvious manner? There have been some "virtual" influences-little tidbits of wisdom and support coming from sources on the Internet including GAIA. "Prompts" that have made me reflect and explore.

The turbulent economic situation experienced since October has been a valuable teacher for me. I had a very viseral reaction to the happenings and went through a period of a few weeks sorting through my attachment  to money ( I finally came to a point of balance) . An attachment that surprised me-perhaps this is my teacher?

When I left my employment last June I sent out an e-mail to a dozen people or so who I felt I had a connection with stating my desire to stay in touch. I provided them with my personal e-mail and phone contacts. Out of the dozen people only one person made a proactive effort to contact me in the last 6 months ( I have made contact with some of the individuals). I appear to have fallen off the radar. I have needed to address my attachment to these relationships and potentially examine why they haven't survived my departure? Interestingly this situation is not on my top 10 list of items to be resolved so perhaps the relationships have just run their course and it is time for me to move on? 

The influences will continue and I am sure I am missing some subtle and not so subtle opportunities for growth. I need to free up some awareness for these opportunities and seize them in 2009.....

 

 

I liked the book because it provided me with a fair amount of insight into my own relationship by providing me with words and concepts that "back up" the dynamics of my on-going,long term love affair. 

I find it interesting that books turn up at the right time in my existence to explain things that I might be puzzled about? 

The couple dynamic has always fascinated me....and I will admit I don't always understand the "whys" of being in love, the expectations and the subtleties of the ongoing interaction and the resulting cause and effect outcomes. The book broaches this subject very well.

The book also touches on the intimacies that couples share away from others. For example the attending of a party resulting in a "post party" exchange of impressions of the party and/or opinions of the guests that wouldn't be shared in a public forum but openly discussed in the confines of the couple relationship(behind closed doors). Of course the analysis may not be flattering but it is a shared experience that theoretically brings the couple closer???

The book compliments another recent read titled "Mating in Captivity" which looks at the role of the erotic in an individual's life and in the context of a committed relationship. Another fascinating subject but fairly perplexing in it's complexity...