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authentic life
November 2009 
Am I Feeling Alright?
Posted on Aug 21st, 2008
by 
IAAM2
IAAM2
This morning I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and went out an soaked in the hot tub for 10 minutes or so. The morning was still and there was an exquisite post rain feel and fragrance to the yard. My mind drifted-mainly in an anticipatory manner around my upcoming "solo" stint as house sitter and dog watcher as my family travels to France for varying lengths of time. I will be on my own for 3 weeks until my son returns and takes his dog home and a month before my wife arrives back. My daughter will be attending university there for 2 years-I won't be seeing her until late April next year...
My wife is currently out of town visiting her mother and phoned me late in the evening to let me know she had arrived safely. As part of the conversation she asked if I was feeling alright? Something in my voice (or tone) must have tipped her off that perhaps I was not in the most optimum state?...we talked for a few minutes about the "things" that are happening and my reaction to the stimulus that is my life?
There is a lot of stimulus swirling around my existence at the moment (much of it positive) and I realize I am fully responsible for the state of feeling alright? Regardless of what is happening I "own" my response to the stimulus.
Yesterday I got into a conversation with one of my wife's colleagues ( a young artist in her late 20's) about leading an authentic life. The conversation was lively with the general consensus being that it is difficult to lead such a life (but worthy to pursue) and that compromise was inevitable? Does compromise and suffering go "hand in hand"? The aspect of being "true to oneself" is a wild card. Part of the conversation yesterday was on trying to understand that intrinsic "knowing oneself" that will provide the foundation for further exploration and growth.
For example I keep my creativity on a short leash like a potentially dangerous dog that you take for a walk because you love and care for it but you are afraid to let it "off leash" just in case you cant control the dog appropriately and unexpected/unwanted consequences erupt. Arguably the dog should be given the opportunity to run free and not be constrained by the leash and owner's will.... Hmmmmm...where is this blog thread taking me?
Access: PublicTagged with: creativity, authentic life
a note on the last paragraph. your creativity is your way to show the world a piece of you. an unbiased completely free of opinion piece of you. so i say go ahead an let the dog loose as the case may be and you may find it was the best thing you have ever done.
Kaylebos: I appreciate your comment very much. I have been spending some contemplation time (for the past few weeks) on this aspect of being? It is a common thread with people I have spoke with-a kind of repression/suppression often linked to what other people will think (or what you think they will think) or the pursuit is not worthy-there are more important things to do? I have more of a problem with the later than the former…
Stay tuned….the dog is no longer sleeping…